Segun Cadmus: Culture Rule 2, Letters From a Mentor

Dear Mentee,

I’m sure you have begun to get an idea about my life, and the rules i created, so you can learn from my triumphs and mistakes.

Can you still recall Culture Rule 1 ?, “Make sure what you know is complete and correct”.

Well, the next story you are about to read is a tragic one, although it was this experience that helped me create the next Culture rule

Culture Rule 2: If they don’t qualify, pay little attention to them.

I met my lovely future wife 62 years ago at a business convention. She studied Mass communication, and later got a Masters degree in Psychology. She was very spontaneous and fun to be with. In fact you will notice her presence anywhere. It was that trait that got my attention

We dated for 3 years, and got married on her 29^th birthday. It was a really romantic experience. As we danced together and held each other so closely, i looked deep into her eyes and knew this was the lady created just for me

My wife loved kids; she was always volunteering to babysit for her friends and colleagues. She called it “Getting a crash course for motherhood”

We tried for 5 years to have a child; and after a lot of patience and prayer, my wife conceived.

She checked her progress with the doctor constantly, and we were told we were going to have twins.

God is good you might say, He always has a way for rewarding those who diligently seek him.

My wife was 7 months pregnant, and already began to shop and plan for their arrival in 2 months time.

On the 8^th month, her friends decided to throw my wife a mini baby shower celebration during the weekend. I decided to leave the house for all of them; the last person they wanted in the house was me. I would spend my weekend at work in the office

It was about 8.00pm at night when i got a call from one of my wife’s friends, they told me my wife is being rushed to the hospital. They told me that she started bleeding heavy 10minutes ago, so they drove her to the nearby hospital, the one right across our house

I tried to get to the hospital as quick i could, i needed to be by her side while she faced this strange ordeal.

Once i located where she was, the doctor told me she had gone into pre-mature labour but suddenly fainted while trying to give birth.

They had to do a C-section for her, to save the babies……………………………….but both babies didn’t make it.

It was a tragic loss for us; after trying and waiting for so long, only to loose them this way.

What happened????

My wife was to stay in the hospital for a week; all our family friends and colleagues came round to pay their respects

By the time she was discharged and arrived at home, i decided to have a one on one talk with her.

She was alright when i left her with her friends, only to be told 2 hours later that she was being rushed to the hospital

My wife told me that they all were talking about babies and how wonderful it would be, to finally be a mother

Then, one of her friends began to describe what going into labour was like; the pain, the blood, and all the strange feelings that a woman goes through to give birth to one baby, not to talk of giving birth to twins. Most likely, the ordeal would be double

Her friend’s description was so vivid and real; all of a sudden, my wife’s blood pressure skyrocketed. She began to bleed, and was rushed to the hospital. When she went into labour, she was so scared of going through delivery pain her friend described, she fainted.

Then i asked her the ultimate question; “HAS THAT FRIEND OF YOURS GIVEN BIRTH TO BABIES BEFORE?”

My wife said her friend has never given birth to babies before.

“So, why would you pay any attention or take advice from a person who doesn’t know what it means to be in your shoes?”

This tragic event made me vow, only those who qualify, would i pay attention to. Before i make any decisions, i would take the extra effort to get the information from the RIGHT and BEST SOURCE

My dear child, i know so many people, who take advice from people who don’t qualify to advise them on what they need to know.

Moves like these have ended marriages, destroyed businesses, broken relationships and friendships.

We learnt our lesson the hard way and it took another 2 years before my wife could conceive again;

when she did, this time we did the right thing.

So i now got my next letter ‘ A’ Ask the Right and Best Source’

Dear Mentee, the right and best source are those who have experience or expertise in the area you need guidance. They are able to advice you, because they know what it means to be in your shoes. They understand your pain and situation.

I agree, often times, these people are not available, so we settle for those around us to get advice. This is a wrong move. Please think about what you have read, don’t end up like me.

This is a tough one to take, i know in due time, Culture Rule 2: If they don’t qualify, pay little attention to them, will settle in your mind and you will begin to apply it

In my next letter, i would tell you how i got the next Letter for the Culture Matrix

Remember, your culture is everything

Love

Mentor